Friday, August 7, 2015

The Art of Conversation

Conversationalist: a person who is good at or fond of engaging in conversation.

The definition differentiates between being good at conversation and being fond of it. We all know someone who seems to be fond of “conversation” but really just wants an audience. Such a person expounds endlessly on various topics while her audience nods or says “Uh-huh” and goes on eating her soup. The endless talker gives not a whit what anyone else might say if given a chance, but might be abashed to learn what others are thinking. “What a bore!”

Following just a few simple rules anyone can become a good conversationalist.

Show an interest in your companion(s) by asking them questions about their lives and opinions.
            Think of the people you know who are good conversationalists. I’ll bet my hat they are people who show an interest in you. They probably ask you questions and listen to your answers.

Make eye contact.
            Remember the phrase “Look me in the eye.” It really means please relate to me directly, acknowledge me as a human being.

Monitor the time you spend talking.
            We don’t learn anything while we are talking. In order to learn one must spend plenty of time listening. When telling a story try to be concise and avoid unnecessary details. Get to the point by a direct route. If anyone wants to know more, they will ask you.

Go with the flow.
            Some folks bring up the same topic again and again even when no one else picks up on it. I’m sure I’m guilty of that, but really we should let it go after the first time.

Be fully present.

            Turn off your phone and put it away.

It’s a funny thing that in the process of earning my doctorate in speech communication and human relations, I never heard a professor bring up the topic of conversation or the importance of give and take. Conversation is not insignificant; it is the basic building block of good human relations.


Copyright 2015 by Shirley Domer

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