Talking Coffee

Here in Colorado Springs I've been reading a book Nancy left by my bedside, The Rural Life by Verlyn Klinkenborg.* In the chapter "May" he writes about sweet memories of the vernacular expressions that his family members used as he was growing up in Iowa. In particular he misses the sound of his mother's voice. If he could go back in anywhere in time, he says, it would be to the scene of a family gathering where all the adults are preparing for Sunday services at a Congregational church.

     The oldest child pretends to be coloring, but he's really waiting until the mowing
     and the music stop and his mother and grandparents start to talk together among
     themselves. He can hardly wait to hear what they'll say.

Reading this, I was swept in a flood of my own childhood memories of listening to the grown-ups talk. I listened as a tiny girl sitting between the back rungs of my grandfather's rocking chair as he sat with two or three other old men in a semi-circle around the wood stove. They talked of events and people from their past. Oddly, the only words I remember are the name of a man – Did Hamilton – but I remember well the ambiance, my being there without being part of the scene, hearing these old men's voices, their timbre and tempo. They also occasionally spit tobacco juice into a tin can sitting by the stove.

As I grew up after-supper talk around the kitchen table kept me fascinated. This was the hour when chores were finished – just the supper dishes left to wash – and relaxation was possible for the first time all day. Dishes were stacked and second cups of coffee were poured. Then the talk began. My brother and I loved this time. He called it "Talking coffee."

Uncle Earl, who died nearly sixty years ago, loved talking coffee, too. Once, when he was a little boy and the after-supper talk was winding down, he said, "Come on, Dad, tell another one, even if it is a lie." My mother sometimes told this story during coffee talk.

Only through this medium is family and community lore passed along. The lore isn't just in the words, which can be written down to pass along. The tone of voice, the facial expressions and the various viewpoints and reactions of the participants are equally as important as the words. It's being a part of the group experience that makes talking coffee so memorable.

* Published by Little, Brown and Company, 2003