Happy Families

Family can be harmonious or contentious, but more often are a mix of these extremes. The happiest families not only accept individual differences, they celebrate and reward them. If one sibling is a halfback and the other a chess player, that’s great! We have the brains and the brawn. If one can’t carry a tune, but another is asked to sing solos at church, that’s fine. The one who can’t carry a tune writes sonnets or can identify every plant in the woods. It all balances out. The key to harmony is to appreciate and embrace each family member’s unique traits.

Similarly, each family member has something to benefit the family.  One person can fix things that break or quit working. Another is your go-to for financial advice. Others bake delicious bread, keep the pantry stocked, mow the lawn, make us laugh, carry out the recycling and trash, and much more. Again, the key to harmony is to acknowledge and show appreciation for each person’s contributions.

The happiest families often shower one another with affection. We hug, we kiss, we pat, we tousle, we high five, we hold hands, we snuggle. We like each other and we sacrifice for each other. We all love each other, although the ones who give the most love are the best loved.

The contentious family operates differently.  Family members keep careful score of perceived slights, engage in constant competition for attention and approval, tease and taunt other family members, free load on the others’ labors and gifts, argue bitterly, carp endlessly, or try to turn family members against each other. Some families engage in a shifting mosaic of shunning first one person, then another. Some families play one-ups-man, comparing income, education, job achievements, and marital success. Favorite sons or daughters are treated better than others, their achievement lauded and others pointedly compared unfavorably to them.

We can either boost each other up or knock each other down. We can choose to be happy families or unhappy families. It’s pretty clear to me that the happiest, most confident, sweetest children come from harmonious, affectionate families, and from homes where each member is treated with respect. Hey, it’s worth putting up with one other just to have great kids around.

Copyright 2015 by Shirley Domer