I Didn't Croak

A week ago I got a left shoulder joint replacement. It took three hours and I lost a lot of blood, but I didn't croak. The first night was just as awful as I expected, but the pain subsided by the next night. I quit taking pain medication. That was a relief because it gave me a fiercely itching rash.

I have to wear a torturous sling called an Aircast day and night for another five weeks. For several days I had no appetite, but that is returning.

Here's the bad news: I can't move my forearm. When my brain sends an order there is no response. I can move my fingers a little, but they are slightly numb and my thumb feels dead. I am horrified. What if this is permanent? How could I live? I would be totally dependent on others for almost everything. I couldn't cook or sew or even bathe myself.  Loving family and friends are giving me excellent care, but they couldn't keep that up forever. What's worse, I'm a lefty and my right hand can barely manage to put food in my mouth. It can, however, use the keyboard.

I'm very scared and almost wish I had croaked.